Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
