I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I pour the whiskey from now on
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
