i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
