im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
