My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
