I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
