I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
