I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
