i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
