I think im going to throw up on grandma
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
