it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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