I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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