its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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