Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
