I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
