I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
