Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
