is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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