i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My life is pants optional.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
