Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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