Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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