If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
