Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
