I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
pray to the hookup gods
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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