Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
