A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
