imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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