I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You're a waste of cheezeits
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
