More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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