If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Randomize
