DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
