Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
