I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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