tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
