I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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