I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
