Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
