I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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