Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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