i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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