did you get engaged???
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
