was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
