what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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