no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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