my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
