My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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