Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
