At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
