What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
