I smell stomach acid.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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