then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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