he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
